On getting laid off, and moving on
Hellooooo!
May 28 is the one-year anniversary of getting laid off from what I would have called my dream job. It was sad and traumatic and weird and hard. A GRETAGRAM reader recently asked me if I could share any insights into what it’s like to move on, so this is my attempt to distill some thoughts. (This week is also the anniversary of our apartment being infested by flies! Suffice it to say, the world was ending.)
My job took up a big slice of my life pie. Yes, I had friends outside of work. But the ironic part about hosting a podcast about the stuff you love is that everything seeps all over the place. Work/life balance is tricky when your work is so intertwined with your life.
I am still untethering myself from all of that, especially my identity as a Public Radio Person. Like, I was recently reading a book where the protagonist talks about so late that they heard the BBC on their public radio station, and I know exactly what they’re talking about. My heart soars a little, and then it sinks, because I remember I’m not in that club anymore. I loved knowing so much about such a specific yet universal thing. I have such a deep abiding love for that job and that vocation, and sometimes I’m still not sure where to put that now that I’m not in public radio.
I am very very very lucky. Losing my job was much more of an identity crisis for me than a dollars crisis. I already had a freelance gig that was good and fun. (I love you, HBO.) With that, and decent severance (thank you, SAG-AFTRA), and by piecing together other stuff, I’ve been able to make it work so far.
I say “so far” because I can’t live off my current (minimal) income forever, but I can for now. I know money stuff is very different for everyone, so some of this advice is coming from my own place of privilege. This will be less about how to get a new job with benefits and more about how to grieve a big loss and take advantage of the time away from work.
Talk to EVERYBODY.
Even if you’re not a networker, I bet you know a LOT of people in your industry. Talk to them! At the end of each conversation, ask them who else you should be talking to! People will want to help you as much as they can. Even if you don’t know exactly what sort of help you need yet, reach out. It’ll help you feel less isolated, and you’ll have something to do.
Give yourself time to grieve.
Especially if your monthly budget has some wiggle room, don’t go back to work tomorrow! We are taught we must always be working, but that’s not actually true. You don’t have to take the first offer you get either, especially if you don’t actually want the job. (Again, I know the money piece here is huge, so if you DO have to take the first offer you get, I totally understand that, too. But if you can float, even for a month, DO IT.) Look back at your career - when’s the last time you had a solid chunk of time off? For me, it was three weeks, and it was to recover a tonsillectomy, LOLOLOLOL.
Do indulgent things on weekdays.
When I say indulgent, I’m not saying you should spend $60 on lunch. I just mean that you should do something with your days that you wouldn’t have been able to if you still had a 9 to 5. Maybe that’s a 10 am gym glass, or a walk in the park with a friend, or grocery shopping on a Tuesday afternoon. Weekday errands are SO GOOD.
Make a feasible budget and figure out a timeline.
How long can you live off savings? Is freelancing a possibility in your line of work? Are there some gigs you could pick up while you figure out what’s next? What can you remove from your monthly expenses? What additions could you make that would help make your life better? Maybe you don’t actually need Disney+ right this second. Maybe it’s time for that pottery class you’ve been meaning to take.
Dust off your LinkedIn profile.
I hate the idea of ever telling anyone to do anything on LinkedIn, but this is a thing you should probably do.
Lean on your community.
This is less about getting the next job and more about making sure you are grounded in your life. For me, work was my biggest source of community. so being jobless and at home, I felt totally disconnected. This is one of those big life times where you need humans most. Join a knitting circle, find a book club, make a weekly walking date.
Find ways to give back.
This could tie into community, too! If you find yourself with a lot of free time and don’t have to hit the pavement for work immediately, maybe there’s a volunteering opportunity for you. Odds are, your community needs you now more than ever.
Go outside a lot.
During the spring of 2020, as everyone went into lockdown and my world suddenly became veeeeeerrry small, my attention totally shifted. I spent time looking at the tree outside my window, watching the leaves grow. I noticed new flowers blooming in a neighbor’s front yard. These are the gifts you can give yourself now, too. Appreciate natural beauty. Smell the fucking lilacs! They’re exquisite!!!
Plant seeds and be patient.
Remember all those phone calls you made and the jobs you interviewed for? You never know what could bubble up from the conversations you had. Even if you didn’t get offered the job you applied for, keep as many doors open as you can, and keep an open mind.
Rethink what work means to you.
I hate to say it, but getting laid off taught me to think a lot less about the idea of a vocation. Moving forward, I want the work I do to be meaningful, and I want to do good work, and I want to like the people I work with, and I want to be compensated for my work. But I also want to be intentional about making sure that my life isn’t defined by my work. If a “well-intentioned” company only survives when all of its employees overextend themselves because the work is so meaningful, I think that’s actually exploitation. There are many ways to be engaged with your community. Work is one of them, but it shouldn’t be the only way.
Maybe don’t get a puppy.
OR MAYBE DO!!! WHO AM I TO SAY??? I recently posted on Instagram about how unhinged it was to get a puppy, and a dear friend responded that the best decisions usually are unhinged. This dog brings me joy every day, she’s a world-class snuggler, and she gets me outside. I’m so glad I have her. So, do you, I guess!
I know I’m not the only one here who’s been laid off. What advice would YOU give?
P.S. Do you like this email?! Spread the delight and forward it to a friend! (Or spam an enemy, lol!)
I got laid off the same day you did (I had four weeks notice, but my last day was also your last day) and I remember thinking "I'm in good company."
I fully endorse all of the things you said here. I was lucky enough to get a large severance and unemployment and have a supportive, understanding and employed partner, so I was also able to take a couple weeks (plus, my direct bosses were mad I got laid off so basically told me "You don't have to do any work you don't want to do starting today" when they told me about it). Doing that allowed me to realize that I *hated* a lot of my job. I loved my team, I enjoyed some of the work, but I had spent the last 5+ years being overwhelmed, miserable and stressed. That month off let me figure out what I loved about my job (spreadsheets) and what I hated (being in charge of people) and let me shift my job search. I ended up getting another job in October and I'm much much happier there.
And 100% about doing stuff during the day! I met my partner for lunch at least once a week, walked in the park nearby, met another friend for lunch and board games. All those things kept me sane.
Be upfront and really connect with the network you care about. Set a time for a quick chat and say, hey just catching up, looking for new opportunities, any advice? Make it a give and take. I will go above and beyond for someone I respect who is just checking in.